Thanks to Sars I just read an eye opening analytical article regarding the male / female relationship. Sars & I, both single & unable to find the so called “one” had an interesting brainstorm of ideas and a great discussion. And as such, it must be written to the world. I myself have not read “He is just not that into you” a female aimed book that states the truth behind men & their intension. However, in the next post I will divulge and state with true honesty how relationship and friendships between men and women work.
Blog Reference: www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Yo Sars, writing this in the morning was key – because I had time to analyze it overnight. At first I though, my like you did, the whole piece (the source above is a MUST read if you have the time / interest!) was somewhat far fetched or pushing the bounds of the truth. i.e. exaggerating the authors ideas… I said it was 75% true… I modify this number! It is 95% true. The reason being he is writing the article from America. And although we do not think Canada is much different from the US – the outlook & attitude out there is indeed different from our own.
So let’s get down to the “Master Ladder Theory”.
Men can NOT be true “friends” with women, because we want to sleep with them ALL! Yes, true – but with a few exceptions (I have modified # 2, to be more articulate).
1.) The guy is Gay
2.) The guy does not believe you are his type & does not see any potential for an intimate relationship. (previously quoted as “The guy does not find you attractive).
3.) The guy has a woman that is already higher than you on the ladder.
Okay, so what is this ladder we are taking about? Men have one ladder (however, I also think we have a step stool as well – will explain this modification latter). Women have two ladders. (Note the website above has nice diagrams).
The MALE LADDER:
Everytime a man meets a woman he puts her on a rung of the ladder. The top of the ladder would be classified as super, super hot woman (like Victoria Secret model material). The bottom of the ladder would be a woman who you’d only get “physical” with when drunk and/or would never tell a friend about because you are embarrassed by her “poor grade”. And how are women placed on the ladder? The rating system: 60% Looks, 30% How fast he estimate she will “put out”, 10% other factors.
The MALE STEP STOOL (postulated by GajCo Inc.)
There is also a step stool ladder. This ladder contains women who we really “don’t care about.” We don’t want to sleep with them or date them – we just want to keep them on good terms. We treat them like friends, not because we actually care about them but because of external factors. Examples: Friends from school, a friend’s girlfriend/ex-gf, some coworkers. (Don’t get me wrong, I do have female friends in these categories they are cool mainly because they fit into category 2 or 3 above). But the step stool is often used by us guys as a resource pool – like a frat, or rolodex of contacts. Many guys hope that in having many female friends, they will eventually meet one of their friends who they will place on the ladder. So they build their step stools by becoming friends, with friend’s friends, etc – to have a better resource pool to meet women to place on the ladder. This step stool does exist; some guys pride themselves on their step stool – because they know so many women that other guys envy their step stool. In addition, they feel that knowing many women makes them look more attractive to new women (like a pimp of sorts).
Side Note / Example:
GajCo: Is a guy with a girlfriend more attractive?
Sars: sometimes a guy with a girl is more attractive but only in specific cases...like sometimes if he shows interest in you and is low on your ladder...like u arent sure about him and then u see him with like the hottest girl in the world u might think twice
Women on the other hand have two ladders. The Real Ladder and the Friend Ladder.
The REAL LADDER:
It is much like the male ladder. Men are placed on the ladder based on the following: 50% Money/Power. The author of the theory states that it’s all about the money – to an extend this is true. In California for example, very, very, very true. It’s really all about the money!!
Author: Says: I want a man who is motivated and has goals.
Means: I want a rich man
Says: I want a man who knows how to treat a woman.
Means: I want a rich man
Says: He's from a really good family.
Means: He's from a really rich family.
GajCo: Is this true??
Sars: no, not for me, rich is not key… successful is
However, I believe in Canada (Toronto at least) it’s more about the success / respect. Although, I do see in the future Toronto becoming a lot more like NYC. And the number of money focused women are rapidly increasing. But as of present, success is much more of a factor than rich. As well, someone who MADE millions is more of a catch than some HANDED a million!
Back to the ladder: 50% Money/Power. 40% Attraction (notice Attraction NOT = Looks, as on the male side). 10% “Women say they care about but really don’t”. Attraction is composed of physical, competition, and novelty (see reference for exact details). 10% = stuff like: sense of humor, sensitivity, emotional stability. (SHIT! I pride myself on the 10%! Fuck! – don’t know about the stability part though, lol).
Interesting Side Notes:
GajCo: also agree with this statement: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her. This is of course when first meeting a woman.
Sars: ya, totally. Not showing interest is somehow key; but at the same time its refreshing when a guy does. It’s so weird!
GajCo: DISAGREE: There are some interests you can show in a woman that will help you to fuck her: a healthy interest in destroying her self-esteem and in fucking her friends more than her seem to work wonders.
Sars: I think guys care more about having more money. Like they compare themselves to other guys based on that sometimes.
Sars: This is what I think. I think guys only want what they can’t have and once they have it they don’t give a shit.
GajCo: yes, 75% true; but sometimes we find want we want & take it for granted - even though we still want it!
The Female FRIEND LADDER:
This part is key - the main part guys (and girls) must realize.
“The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her. The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders.”
The author depicts a black hole, or abyss in between these ladders. He states that the only way a man can determine which ladder he is on is to make a move: a kiss, a love note, whatever. If he is on her Real Ladder all is good. If he is on the Friend Ladder… it is a case of LADDER JUMPING. It should be noted that Ladder jumping is an extremely dangerous sport. It is a sport that many guys attempt and often fall… yeap, fall into the abyss. The abyss is embarrassment, self-loathing or bitterness towards said female.
Author Illustrated examples:
Scenario 1: Tom meets Jane. She's pretty and seems interesting to talk to. Tom and Jane start haging out and talking more and more. Tom develops an attraction to Jane, and one day tries to kiss her. Jane tell Tom she doesn't think of him that way and she wants to remain friends. The next few weeks contact between the two falls off. Jane starts fucking an outlaw biker.
Ladder Theory Explanation: Tom met Jane. Tom was immediately placed on the friends ladder. Tom didn't know this. Tom tried to jump ladders. Jane kicked Tom in the head rather than let him on and sent him hurtling to the Abyss below. The oulaw biker was not on her friends ladder (they never are) but rather on her good ladder.
Scenario 2: Tom meets Jane. She's cute and seems smart. After an appropriate amount of time he asks her out on a date. She acccepts and they have what seems to be a perfectly nice date. Tom thinks he has a chance with Jane. He asks her out again. She says no, either explicitly or by never returning his phone call. Tom has no idea what the Hell just happened. Jane starts fucking an unemployed alcoholic.
Ladder Theory Explanation: Jane misrepresented which ladder Tom was on. He thought he was on the good ladder because of her acceptance of the date. Mistake. This led to an unintentional ladder jump. He was kicked into the Abyss. In this situation, Jane often wants to stay friends becasue you are so interesting and funny or some shit like that.
KEY NOTE:
“You can see that a lot of problems can be avoided by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will NOT be friends under any circumstances. You can explain that she is too attractive or you can be blunt and say you don't want to bend your "friends" over a table and fuck them, but would rather play poker and go to the races with them, thus disqualifying her from friendship. As long as you are clear.”
Yes, it is key to state this almost immediately otherwise you might be filed on the wrong ladder & hence forced to Ladder Jump (which is not advised)!!! You won’t believe the number of times guys say “you are like my sister, blah, blah, blah” – wrong approach!! Has this worked for any single man!!! NOPE! Seen it many times… all crash & burn situations.
