I'm an illegal Alien! grrr

Wtf!  Since Saturday I've been trying to obtain a cell phone, but guess what?  The phone company won't approve my credit!  They'll do it for other interns, but just not me.  And it's not like they have better credit than me, since we all came to the US together (& it's only been a month) and especially since I had amazing credit in Canada (excluding mr. salgados loan :P). 
 
Anyhow, Master Negotiator (that's me) has spoken to each & everyone along the chain of command.  From the authorized dealer, to the direct dealer, to AT&T and even scammed my way to several of the dealer's direct lines for activation.  In the end, I've basically troubleshooted the problem to one person... the fukin credit bureaus!  For some reason, they think that my SSN (social security #) has NEVER been ISSUED in the United States!  Go figure, especially as I'm holding the SSN in my hand!  Grrr.  How the fuk can they say that my # has never been issued.  And worst of all I can't call them to correct it!  I've tried everything: ordering my credit report from each of the bureau (3 of them) but no success. 
 
You know why?  All the systems are fukin AUTOMATED & since my number / info is INVALID / NON-EXISTENT, I can't get through to any customer personel!  
 
So basically, you can only talk to someone ONCE you've obtained a credit report, which can only occur IF you have a valid SSN # & info.  So I'm basically, screwed!! 
 
But don't you worry, once I get a direct number I shall post them all on the web!